I'm tired of hearing everyone bashing Demand Media. Sure, they fill the Google search results with mind-numbingly useless drek and "how-to" articles on nonsensical topics. But the whole point of this type of content is to find out what people are searching for and write (seemingly terrible) content that is optimized to rank highly in search results. What this means, of course, is that someone, somewhere, is searching for how to express a dog's anal gland. The short of it is that people search for, and find, the "drek" that Demand Media soils the internet with.

So who are these people who seem to crave what Demand Media has to offer? 

One example is the scrunchie enthusiast, with such helpful gems as "Ideas for Organizing Scrunchies" and, for the scrunchie impaired amongst us, "How to Use a Scrunchy." Once you master the basics, you can move up to the higher-level "How to Make Beaded Scrunches." Thanks to eHow and Demand Media, I know what I'm doing this weekend!

They also seem to be serving those who live in some kind of Matrix-like (or Kafka-esque) reality, except instead of there being no spoon, there are no buttons. While this scenario could arguably be called theoretical, or perhaps just insane, Demand Media is thinking ahead with their illuminating piece on the various types of push buttons. Did you know that "push buttons allows us to key in phone numbers on our telephone pads ... [and] are connected to other processes that send signals to landline operating systems and, subsequently, allow us to make phone calls"? Of course you did, as you're neither a complete moron nor from a parallel dimension in which buttons don't exist. (Note: The button piece has been removed from eHow, so I'm linking to it via the Google cached page. Because it's still pretty amazing. Apparently they thought that buttons are just too much for us unsavy internet users to handle.)

And for the socially inept among us (you know who you are), there's help for you, too. Do you know how to flirt? You do now! And once you've flirted your way to your ideal mate, learn how you guys can conceive twins (because everyone should get advice about child rearing from the Internet. It's cheaper than hiring a fertility expert.) Perhaps you're also so used to email that you've lost the ability to send actual mail. Then jump back into the 19th century and learn how to address an envelope.

And just because I can, here it is again: How to Express a Dog's Anal Gland. You're welcome.